Saying Good-bye

One of the most rewarding and yet one of the most heart wrenching times in a foster parent's life is when a child, a child of their heart, is ready to go into adoption or go back to their birth family.  It is that time once again in our family.

J came to us from the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit).  He has been part of our family for fourteen months and twenty-one days.  We have watched this little angel grow and change into a toddler with a personality all his own.  We have prayed for him and loved him.  When it became evident that he needed a forever family, we began preparing ourselves and J for a life change.

Last night was J's first overnight by himself with his new family.  He spent the night once before but Brave Bear was with him.  J will come home tomorrow and we will continue visits back and forth till the end of the month.  I miss him already.

This morning, I awoke early thinking I heard J calling me from his crib.  A stab of pain in my heart tells me he is waking with his silly grin to a new mommy and daddy.  I remind myself that this is a good thing.  I love the family he is becoming a part of.  I know this is God's plan.  I know he couldn't stay with us forever.  I know there are other children who need me. 

Yesterday, Darlene and I shopped till we dropped at the outlet mall.  I bought 14 new outfits for J to go with the 8 I had already purchased.  (A boy can't start a new life without looking good.)  Carter's had to restock when we left.  As we drove home, I couldn't help dwell for just a moment that this was the last time I would get to shop for J.  Another stab of pain.

Last night, my conversation with God went something like this:  "Oh, God, please surround J with your love and security tonight.  I know he is anxious in his new surroundings and wondering where I am.  Please give his new family all the skills they need to make this transition a smooth and wonderful time.  Lord, it hurts.  No matter how many times I live through this, it hurts my heart.  Can you just let me skip this part and go straight to the next stage of grieving?  I know.  I know.  You don't bargain.  God, it hurts my kids heart's, too...and the rest of our family.  Prepare each of us for our loss as each day passes.  More importantly, God, prepare J's heart for this wonderful new chapter in his life.  Bless his new family as they are experiencing the miracle of adoption.  Thank you for sending them.  And God, thank you for entrusting your precious children into my care.  Amen"

Blessings my friends,

Judy